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1) Trust, the most important factor. Break the trust, and you spend years chasing a fix, which may never come to fruition. You must trust your spouse, and your spouse must trust you. Think of it as a foundation that the house is built on. If you are untrustworthy, or the person you are considering has evidence of being untrustworthy, it won’t last. Period. Move on.
2) Patience: Spending so much time for such a long time has a way of testing you. Sometimes you grow so annoyed with each other that silly arguments could erupt, during which you need to be patient. Also, just because your spouse wants something different than you do doesn’t mean it’s wrong, just different. So be patient.
3) Fun: You need to be able to have the best evening planned and when it breaks apart you can just enjoy the time and have fun together. Maybe bitching about the night is fun for both of you, or you both laugh at the situation. You also need to be able to spend your free time together enjoying the same things. People that genuinely like to have fun tend to find things to do together, or can atleast invent something satisfying.
4) Flexibility: Ability to change/grow. As individuals, we want to grow and make something of our lives. In a relationship this happens as well, and if one of the two in the couple aren’t willing to move forward, then it can have the negative ability of holding the other back. It doesn’t mean they both have to be aggressive world changing people, just that a willingness for change has to be in the equation.
5) A nurturing nature: If you can’t care and nurture for each other, or your children, then eventually the relationship will die. When plants aren’t watered they wilt and eventually die. Nurturing each other’s interests and desires is key.
6) Your best friend: If you can’t look at your spouse and say they are your best friend, you’ll eventually tire of them, or worse, get completely annoyed by them. You know what a best friend feels like. If you don’t feel that, then this is a fling.
7) Love: The house that love built, etc. This should probably be the most obvious one. But of course everyone confuses this with lust. Sometimes prearranged marriages last longer because they develop a lasting friendship that eventually can sprout love. Most relationships today are based on lust, which is only temporary. It masks the true feelings and personalities of the people. You might just agree that the hottest people on the planet are also assholes, douchebags, jerks, selfish, etc.
8) Similar goals: If you have similar destinations, you can support each other much more easily. At a minimum, the ability to support each others goals is important. But if one person wants to live a traveling bohemian lifestyle, but the other wants to be the most famous doctor in NYC, well, good luck with that. That’s going to end miserably.
9) Humility: If you can admit when you’re wrong, you can win a lot of points. This is the hardest thing to do for mot people, but it’s vital for a personal relationship. Remember that you are human and make mistakes to.
10)Commitment: You have to think this is the last relationship of your life and then figure out what to do from there. Obviously, if it’s broken or abusive, you need to take off. But I’m talking about surmountable differences. Acceptable actions/behaviors need to be set up for crises.
- Realize that nobody cares, and if they do, you shouldn’t care that they care. Got a new car? Nobody cares. You’ll get some gawkers for a couple of weeks—they don’t care. They’re curious. Three weeks in it’ll be just another shiny blob among all the thousands of others crawling down the freeway and sitting in garages and driveways up and down your street. People will care about your car just as much as you care about all of those. Got a new gewgaw? New wardrobe? Went to a swanky restaurant? Exotic vacation? Nobody cares. Don’t base your happiness on people caring, because they won’t. And if they do, they either want your stuff or hate you for it.
- Some rulebreakers will break rule number one. Occasionally, people in your life will defy the odds and actually care about you. Still not your stuff, sorry. But if they value you, they’ll value that you value it, and they’ll listen. When you talk about all of those things that nobody else cares about, they will look into your eyes and consume your words, and in that moment you will know that every part of them is there with you.
- Spend your life with rulebreakers. Marry them. Befriend them. Work with them. Spend weekends with them. No matter how much power you become possessed of, you’ll never be able to make someone care—so gather close the caring.
- Money is cheap. I mean, there’s a lot of it—trillions upon trillions of dollars floating around the world, largely made up of cash whose value is made up and ascribed to it, anyway. Don’t engineer your life around getting a slightly less tiny portion of this pile, and make your spirit of generosity reflect this principle. I knew a man who became driven by the desire to amass six figures in savings, so he worked and scrimped and sacrificed to get there. And he did… right before he died of cancer. I’m sure his wife’s new husband appreciated his diligence.
- Money is expensive. I mean, it’s difficult to get your hands on sometimes—and you never know when someone’s going to pull the floorboards out from under you—so don’t be stupid with it. Avoid debt on depreciating assets, and never incur debt in order to assuage your vanity (see rule number one). Debt has become normative, but don’t blithely accept it as a rite of passage into adulthood—debt represents imbalance and, in some sense, often a resignation of control. Student loan debt isn’t always avoidable, but it isn’t a given—my wife and I completed a combined ten years of college with zero debt between us. If you can’t avoid it, though, make sure that your degree is an investment rather than a liability—I mourn a bit for all of the people going tens of thousands of dollars in debt in pursuit of vague liberal arts degrees with no idea of what they want out of life. If you’re just dropping tuition dollars for lack of a better idea at the moment, just withdraw and go wander around Europe for a few weeks—I guarantee you’ll spend less and learn more in the process.
- Learn the ancient art of rhetoric. The elements of rhetoric, in all of their forms, are what make the world go around—because they are what prompt the decisions people make. If you develop an understanding of how they work, while everyone else is frightened by flames and booming voices, you will be able to see behind veils of communication and see what levers little men are pulling. Not only will you develop immunity from all manner of commercials, marketing, hucksters and salesmen, to the beautiful speeches of liars and thieves, you’ll also find yourself able to craft your speech in ways that influence people. When you know how to speak in order to change someone’s mind, to instill confidence in someone, to quiet the fears of a child, then you will know this power firsthand. However, bear in mind as you use it that your opponent in any debate is not the other person, but ignorance.
- You are responsible to everyone, but you’re responsible for yourself. I believe we’re responsible to everyone for something, even if it’s something as basic as an affirmation of their humanity. However, it should most often go far beyond that and manifest itself in service to others, to being a voice for the voiceless. If you’re reading this, there are those around you who toil under burdens larger than yours, who stand in need of touch and respect and chances. Conversely, though, you’re responsible for yourself. Nobody else is going to find success for you, and nobody else is going to instill happiness into you from the outside. That’s on you.
- Learn to see reality in terms of systems. When you understand the world around you as a massive web of interconnected, largely interdependent systems, things get much less mystifying—and the less we either ascribe to magic or allow to exist behind a fog, the less susceptible we’ll be to all manner of being taken advantage of. However:
- Account for the threat of black swan events. Sometimes chaos consumes the most meticulous of plans, and if you live life with no margins in a financial, emotional, or any other sense, you will be subject to its whims. Take risks, but backstop them with something—I strongly suspect these people who say having a Plan B is a sign of weak commitment aren’t living hand to mouth. Do what you need to in order to keep your footing.
- You both need and don’t need other people. You need others in a sense that you need to be part of a community—there’s a reason we reflexively pity hermits. Regardless of your theory of anthropogenesis, it’s hard to deny that we are built for community, and that ‘we’ is always more than ‘me.’ However, you don’t need another person in order for your life to have meaning—this idea that Disney has shoved through our eyeballs, that there’s someone out there for all of us if we’ll just believe hard enough and never stop searching, is hokum… because of arithmetic, if nothing else. Establish your own life—then, if there’s a particular person that you can’t help but integrate, believe me, you’ll know.
Its almost December 2015, a new year is already here…and with it, a chance to reflect on the kind of life you live, where you’ve got to with some project you began sometime ago (perhaps a long time ago), what you have done so far with all the time you have had. Time is of great value and the earlier we all realize it the better. It is therefore necessary that we put it to good use . Below are some awesome skills you could pick up guaranteed to make you a better person.
1. Learn a New Language: This gets important by the day. Being multi-lingual has numerous benefits which include allowing you to stand out from colleagues, allowing you network more easily, getting you aware of potential business opportunities which you otherwise would not have been known about etc.
We’ve heard a lot about learning Spanish, Chinese mandarin, Russian e.t.c. Those are great languages and they allow you to be able to relate with a lot more people and make amazing connections. Learning mandarin alone, you could be able to communicate with one-third of the world. Awesome, I know. Thing is, how many of us, Nigerians, really plan to visit china or permanently reside there in the future. . Ideally, we ought to focus on building relationships around people around us, and learning the Yoruba, Ibo, Hausa, Efik, Ibibio language could really go a long way to help you reach this goal.
There are lots of online materials available for most foreign languages, so its relatively easier than learning one of the remote ones in Nigeria. Its awesome to pick up any of these, but if you want something more challenging, get textbooks on a Nigerian language, possibly get an instructor, travel to a village where you could practice for a few weeks and you’ll get acquainted with it.
2. Learn coding: There’s huge amounts of resources out there, there’s nothing stopping you. 20 years from now, coding will be a skill comparable to knowing how to send an e-mail today. You don’t need to do a great deal about this, just focus on front-end development languages: learn to make a website. Or at least learn enough to be able to know what to ask for when you start your own business and pay somebody to develop something for you.
3. Lead a healthy lifestyle: Healthy eating and proper workouts are a great investment into your future. Knowing how and why to do this is almost a skill. Besides, good looking people tend to be more favored when it comes to opportunities in life; typically, healthy and fit is 40-80% of good looking ( in men it’s higher, for women, sadly, it’s lower).
4. Read books and articles: With reading, I would suggest you focus on some of the essentials; it doesn’t hurt to read science articles and such, it’s great to keep your academic perspectives open and your mind stimulated.
5. Learn to use Google: Actually, learn to do your research for anything you need to know. Browse for stuff, note it down, consider it, deduce stuff out of it etc
I’ve worked with people for a bit of time, I’m still amazed (and dissapointed) at the contrast between the unprecedented amount of technology and information at their disposal, and at the commodity and lack of interest they show, at their apparent inability to use such resources for anything but entertainment.
Even better, when you’re faced with any question/problem/situation, or when you need information from a person, do your best to choose your questions carefully. Perhaps even pretend that you only get 1 question, only one, and try to choose the one that gives you the most information which you can use to deduce the rest of your solution to the problem you are facing.
6. Teach yourself discipline: Procrastination is a huge problem for most people. It’s always easy to get distracted/become superficial in what you’re doing/not finish your projects. It’s imperative to educate yourself to have a healthy work-ethic now than later.
If there’s one valuable thing you can choose now, its becoming serious/dedicated/focused. Generally. So strive and educate yourself to plan your work, organize your tasks, finish them, collect the rewards.
No matter what you do in life, if you’re going for a corporate job or start your own business, if you’re going to win the lottery and only to NGO-volunteer work or be some variety of artist etc
being able to do what you set yourself to do, being able to make yourself do stuff, being able to focus… these are generally valuable.
7. Learn to be a good person: I’m not saying you’re not, I’m saying learn to be a good person.
In my opinion, there’s so many bad things going on in the world, that being indifferent is a shame. Think of how few of these “bad things going on in the world” are not things done by people. Think why and how people get to do these things. And try to do whatever you can to change things. :)) I know it’s a lot of “things”. “be the change” type of thinking is not a bad idea. Live your life in such a way that your actions or passivity do not contribute to the misery of others. Know people. Listen, understand, contribute.
If you’re religious, follow whatever original message your religion has. I have no doubts that whatever religion you have, the core message is always one of love and not of hatred. Moreso, when it comes to morality/ethics, atheists are no different than religious people. Actually, they might be on average more sincere. Nonetheless, figure out what is important and relevant to you: :)) Atheists are heavily religious, at least behaviorally: there’s always a set of positive/negative rules (do’s/don’ts), as well as other elements, most often excluding belief in the supernatural or the unscientific or belief all together or whatever but the point is, there’s a huge deal of moral and ethical and “how to do good” or “how to be good” stuff out there, no matter who or where you are, so just follow that.
8. Teach. Do something, take a year off to write that book you always wanted to write or ..or whatever, do something like this, go and teach. It’s so very important and so very neglected. Give back. For anything good that you received, give back something excellent, for anything bad that you received, give back something extraordinary.
9. Selling: Being able to sell will help you no matter what your job is. Selling isn’t just for products. Selling is a transaction. Ideas must be sold. Dreams must be sold. Motivation must be sold. If you can sell I promise you that you will never go hungry.
Money can buy books. But money can’t buy wisdom.
With money, you can’t buy inner peace and wisdom. These things, you have to create for yourself.
Wisdom is realized when your knowledge and experience meet at a point of conscious awareness. You become aware when you start to think. You start thinking when you stop accepting whatever people tell you to be right/wrong, good/bad, true/false. You stop accepting such things when you start experiencing things with an open mind. Your mind opens a little bit more every time you read a really good book/article.
Attaining wisdom is a process that is a conscious, self evolving, open minded process. No amount of money, whatsoever, can buy you the wisdom. You need to have an open mind, an open heart, an inquisitive attitude, and you need to keep questioning every single thing in order to even start thinking on the path towards wisdom. Wisdom is rare but very well deserved.
Money can’t buy passion. Money can buy things. Money can buy resources. Money can’t buy you passion over something/someone. Passion is what most people lack in their life, towards what they do. Most people live a dreaded life. They go to college, rack up debts, get a job to settle those debts, get married to someone they think they love, end up spending 2.5/3 of their time for their job, end up passionless in their marriage, as well as in their job. They stay in the job because they’re afraid that they can’t survive without the job. They end up sacrificing more for their children. And eventually they end up doing what they don’t like, for what they didn’t really want in the first place.
Money can’t buy passion. Only when we start unlearning all that we are told and conditioned to believe in from our childhood, and only when we defy the conventions and dig beyond can we even get to know what we really want, what we are really passionate about. Career is not just about engineering and medicine. Life is not just about salary and survival. You gotta do something to survive. But if all you do is survive and lead a menial existence, what’s there to the life you live?
3. True Friends:
The definition of friendship differs from person to person. There are people who call every random person their friend. In my opinion, a friend is a person with whom you can be vulnerable and emotionally naked comfortably, and that person won’t ever take advantage of you. True friends are like family. Only that you can select that family. True friends form the family out of your family.
Yes, of course, sometimes a rich person can have a bunch of people that stick around. Almost always, they stick around for the riches, for the pleasure of having such a person around. But real friends who stick by your side when you’re a nobody can not be bought with money. You are the sum of the five people that you are close to which is exactly why it’s important to have the right people around you. And that’s something money can’t buy.
4. Good, unadulterated, peaceful sleep:
Yes, I agree. You could always go to the nearest chemist, buy a sleeping pill, pop one onto your drink, and go to sleep. And, no, That’s not what I am talking about.
The sleep where you go peacefully to bed, without any anxiety about tomorrow, without any regrets about yesterday, with so much of gratefulness and happiness about today – that kind of sleep is what I am talking about. Money can’t buy that kind of sleep, ever.
5. A person who looks at you with love in their eyes:
You can never buy love and a loving look from a person. You can buy sexual experience. You can buy cuddles. You can buy hugs these days too. But all that combined with love for you from someone? You can’t. Not with money. Not with force. Not with anything materialistic.
You can’t buy these. You can’t pay for these with money. You pay for these with love, good deeds and genuineness. One loving look towards you can change a day long depression. All it takes is love.
6. Beauty of the Mother Nature:
You can almost buy anything materialistic with money. But, what only God can paint, you can’t buy with money. Not just with money, you can’t buy them with anything. They just happen. They don’t happen as you wish or at your will. But, they are wonderful when you’re there to witness them. Such things and such experiences are not really under your control, certainly not under the control of money.
These are all things that you get to witness and realize that you’re at the mercy of something grander than anything you have and anything you possess.
7. The ecstatic feeling you get after a long grueling workout:
No matter how much money you have, no matter what gym membership you have, the ecstatic feeling of the natural dopamine rush that you get after an intense, grueling workout can never be bought with money. You gotta get your ass moving in order to get that ecstasy. It’s addictive. It takes a lot of pain to gain that feeling day in and day out. Once you get addicted to that feeling after the workout, you will never quit gym again. It’s incredible and it’s insanely amazing to be in that state of ecstasy. And, guess what? You can’t buy that with money, like ever. Sure, you can do drugs and substitute, but it will never be like the real thing. Getting off your arse and working your ass off, lifting weights and working out – only these things will get you the real deal.
8. A newborn baby holding your finger:
This is very obvious. No matter how much money you have, there’s no feeling equal to this in this world. Your newborn child innocently grabbing your finger and holding it. Is there any feeling better than this?
And guess what? You can’t buy this with money either.
9. Wonderful Relationship With an animal:
You can’t buy a loving relationship with animals with money. Sure, you can buy animals. But, you can’t buy their love and their loyalty. You can’t buy their warmth and their playfulness. They have a unique ability to sense if you’re real or fake to them. They have a unique ability to sense if you’re worthy of their loyalty. And when they decide to give you their unconditional love, they stay that way for the rest of their life. Coz, in your life, they are but an episode. In an animal’s life, when you adopt the animal, you are what its life revolves around. This relationship with an animal, you can’t buy with money.
10. Just Feeling Alive:
You can’t buy the feeling of being alive with money. You can’t buy life with money. You can’t buy the feeling of life within you with money.
Most of us sleepwalk through life, suppressing the liveliness inside of us. Most people chase money like it’s the source of happiness. Sure, it’s needed for a secure and a comfortable life. But, at any given time, happiness has only one source – YOUR INNER SELF.
People rarely feel alive. They merely exist in a menial existence. They live the same day over and over again for 50 years and call it a life. Feeling alive doesn’t come out of living the same day for 50 years. Feeling alive comes from breaking out of the mold that you are cast into, and taking the first step towards your own inner freedom. That, money can’t buy. That is something that you can’t put a price tag on.
There are many more of these things that money can’t buy, that nothing else can replace.
There is a reason why some things in life are called “priceless”. Coz, you can’t put a price tag on such things. Those priceless things cannot be bought. They can only be experienced.
In Nigeria today, many prospective students and parents alike are beginning to choose private universities over public universities. Reasons for this development include incessant strikes, security issues, cultism, corruption and many more which are prevalent in the public university system. Private universities ensure the absence of most of these problems and are therefore becoming a favorite choice for many. A major limitation to studying in private universities however is the expense involved. Many private universities have tuition fees ranging from almost a million to several millions of naira and as a result private schools have been categorized “schools for the elite” . Some private universities however are relatively cheaper and therefore more affordable than others.
Below is a list of the cheapest private universities in Nigeria :
1. Al-Qalam University is an Islamic private university located in Kastina state . It is the first on our list and tuition fees here are in the range of 150,000 to 180,000 naira(minor fees excluded). It offers education, management, social sciences and science courses. For more info see http://www.auk.edu.ng
2. Tansian university is a private university located in Umunya area of Anambra state. Tuition fees here range from 160,000 to 250,000 naira excluding minor fees. Fees varies by departments. The university offers courses including law, arts, social sciences,management and science courses. For more info see http://www.tansianuniversity.edu.ng
3. Oduduwa university is a private university located in Ipetumodu area of Osun state. Tuition fees here range between 165,000 and 205,000 naira excluding other fees i.e accommodation. Fees vary according to departments. The university offers a wide range of courses including engineering,arts, management and science courses. For more info see http://www.oduduwauniversity.edu.ng
4. Obong University, located in Obong Utak area of Akwa-ibom state has tuition fees ranging from 180,000 to 200,000 naira depending on a student’s department(minor fees excluded). The university offers management,applied sciences and social science courses. For more info see http://www.obonguniversity.net
5.Evangel University Akaeze, Ebonyi State is one of the five new Private Universities licensed by the Federal Government of Nigeria to operate as degree awarding Institutions. Its tuition fee is 250,000 naira payable over two installments. It currently offers applied and management courses. For more info see http://www.evangeluniv.edu.ng
6. Paul University located in Awka, Anambara State is sixth on our list and tuition fee is 260,000 naira (minor fees excluded). It offers arts, management, social sciences and applied science courses. For more info see http://www.pauluniversity.edu.ng
7.Kwararafa university is a private university located in Taraba state. Tuition fees here range between 270,000 to 280,000 naira excluding other fees. The university offers a wide range of courses including arts, management and science courses. For more info see http://www.kwararafauniversity.edu.ng
8. Rhema University is a christian private university located in Aba, Abia state . Tuition fees are in the range of 350,000 to 400,000 naira(minor fees excluded). It offers management, social sciences and science courses. For more info see http://www.rhemauniversity.edu.ng